i'm going back and forth / adding more adding less / trying to figure out the flow

Hello world!

I've been feeling anti-social lately, not really into that whole froufrou air-kissing thing that's so the rage. =A=;; So anyway yes. Been keeping to myself, keeping to my guns (and Gunns) - just trying to keep my eye on the game. I don't want to be distracted.

I wish I wasn't this behind in my work. Self-editting right now. I am catching up with my novels though. Nearly there. Plodding along - I'm just wanting to kick ass on my essays? I live for them.

... I really should do my figure photoshoots though. Now that I'm waaaaay behind. Oh well.

This post is turning out into what it wasn't supposed to be. D: It's my mouth (and fingers) running off and on right now. Urgh.

Soon I'll be spamming my LJ with SEP lists. Hurrah to my ever indecisive indecisiveness. =A=;;

Slightly upset that there's no one question devoted to Alice. And Prof A will be on a year long sabbatical from next semester and I want to have her for an ISM on Alice and other children's literature. Jabberwocky ftw!

Back to work. And American TV. God, what would I do without the internet!

tweet tweet!

02:45 I have low self-esteem. #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

to a lion

to a dead lion (hanging on my wall, or lying on the floor)

I dresssed you in wit; placed
some sort of intrinsic value in
you.
I gave you shoes too big; made
you socks too tight (your bony feet
looked horrible -- gaunt -- in them).
I brushed until you shone; glowing
with your own self-imbued glory and
my foolish belief that you had no teeth.
O, but they were sharp. You tooled
me, secretly building up a false lustre upon my work.
I took off that mantle I gave you, along
with the badges that came along with it: Lance Corporal (Intelligence),
Private (Charm), Sergeant (Breaking and Entering).

Lost my self, trying to find me again. O, existence is a pain. A pain in my very short and thick neck. My shoes are either too small and constraining my feet; or too small that they've disappeared altogether.

I'm feeling particularly myself these days, and by that I mean I like to be alone. Surrounded by four walls, but not that tight that I feel claustrophobic. Not that it's easy for my to feel claustrophobic. The walls of life are always closing in. I don't really want to speak to anyone, I don't want to see anyone, I don't want to be seen by anyone. Prolonged seclusion and isolation - not loneliness. Loneliness is forced upon you; isolation and seclusion are choices - that I've made.

I like, I'd like to be able to unafraid to speak during lessons. To say what I think and not think of any repercussions. I'm slowly trying, slowly inching my foot into that circle. I spoke a bit during the 19th century class (and I suspect that I'll go slightly raving mad during the Alice tutorials because I have so many things to say about Carroll) about Hopkins and his relationship with God. Would being a non-Christian and hence not indoctrinated with all these Christian beliefs and parables affect my understanding and interpretation of Hopkins? I said yes - or rather, I said that I wasn't a Christian and I did view things differently. But being Christian or not, I always view things differently. I saw Mariana in her moated grange as not being entirely passive - I saw her as choosing a (wrong?) way to cope with her world which was falling apart. Views were met with silence apart from Dr P's attempt in pulling out my thesis. So with Hopkins and the whole issue with "(my God!) my God." Why an exclamation mark? And then a period? Why not two exclaimation marks or two fullstops? What effect does it have when you try to eununciate? I saw it differently.

Differently.

I tend to dwell on things, I like to read into things - pick apart silly details but details nonetheless - and I revel in the lattice of meanings that I can find. Which is why I'm trying to pull apart this mess of Me and hopefully find a beautiful iron-wrought lattice.

running out of cake!

Portal - Still Alive typography from Trickster on Vimeo.

Typographically delicious!

EDIT:

( And another )

redesigning my life

( desktop for September )

I'm still looking for desktop icons to match.