and when it comes down to that...

[spiderpig]

there's always my mind to bend and break.

And so children, yours truly had her Literature paper and General Paper returned today. As you all know, I'm a bloody perfectionist and my grades, no matter how spectacular they are, are never up to my expectations. So a B3 (which by norm, is hard to get) for my GP and a C for my Lit doesn't make the cut. To tell you the truth, I was expecting an A for both, or at least a B for Lit. Only one girl in my class got a B and that girl wasn't me. And I feel terribly bitter about the whole thing. *gripes* The fact is that these exams love the fact that you can regurgitate information that the lecturers hammer into your brain. Whatever analysing and coming up with innovative rhetoric questions usually never get shown. Yet, isn't that the whole point and basis of Literature? Not to just follow what the teacher says, but to develop your own point of view? I hate the fact that these people do better than me because they just VOMIT OUT ALL THE POINTS THAT THE LECTURER SAYS. I mean, do you have no mind of your own? I sacrifice the politically correct answers, answers and points that will put a 80% well within my grasp, but no. I experiment with ideas that you guys probably have never even smelt of.

What's more, I've read the bloody text (Brave New World) over 4 times whilst the vast majority have yet to start or complete their second reading. I know the book like the back of my foot, that is to say, I know it extremely well. I'm just not that an ass to say that I know it 'like the back of my hand'. IT'S AN ABSOLUTE FLUKE, I SAY. Nevermind. I will work at it. I fully believe that it was a fluke. I don't deserve a bloody, fucking C. It's totally beneath me. God Forsaken education system. I'M NOT GOING TO LOSE TO ANY OF YOU AGAIN.


Literature-
Brave New World: 35/50 [total wrong choice of question. I should have done the other one :( Though, I'm still happy with the fact that even though I'm the underdog, I still got an A for this.]
William Blake (Songs of Innocence and Experience): 27/50
Practical Critisism: 21/50

WTF? Well, I know what went bloody wrong. I spent too much time analysing the bloody poem. I'm never going to do that next time. And I'm NEVER EVER going to touch passage-based essay questions ever again. I lost my top position of BNW. NO. THAT IS NOT HAPPENING. Fahy's going to be so disappointed. :( I'm no longer his class pet.

General Paper -
Essay: 34/50
Comprehension: 32/50

Tied for highest in class. I lost my top position for the fact that, as always, my comprehension isn't top notch.


It's at times like this that I sound like a bloody arrogant prick, and I hate that. Probably beacuse of how I was conditioned to think that I was (AND AM) always the best in English and Literature. Well, not the best of the best, but definitely the creme de la creme. I certainly and firmly believe so, and results have proven it. I guess I have gotten particularly swell-headed. There's also the fact that I am the Literature representative. I feel that it is imperative of me to be the top scorer in the subject. But no, because of the insane bad time management of mine, I don't have enough time to write a decent essay that will get me tops. I'm so thoroughly disappointed with myself, and I'm beating myself up internally about it.

I am a stubborn and stuck-up pompous ass, and I know it very well. I am a sore loser, to put it simply. I can't stand losing to people who I think are "not worthy", even by just 1 mark. By no means do I suggest that those of you in my class are "dumbasses and not worthy of my attention" but it's just the way that I've been brought up. I am just too set in this way of thinking, this amount of competitiveness. I'm entirely and fully sorry if I've offended any of you in any way.

Actually, I am not. I value my talent and genius. I honed in my skills through practice, reading good novels and perhaps just the pure stroke of genius. I have put in so much effort into something that I probably might major in. I love this subject. I do it for the love of the texts, for the authors, for the subject. To see my rightful place near the top being snatched away from me rather ungraciously, is too hard a blow for me to take.

In conclusion, I am a sore loser. Period.

YOU ARE ALL MY RIVALS. I WILL COME UP TOPS. NO MORE MR NICE GUY. I'M GOING TO BE RUTHLESS IN PROVING TO ALL YOU DETRACTORS DUMBASSES THAT I AM EVIDENTLY ONE OF THE BEST.

THE GAME IS ON.

EDIT: Ugh. The Evaluation of Material is giving me a headache. Material does NOT need to be VERY VERY RELEVANT. somepeopledon'tgetthat. I MEAN, this is exactly the same thing happening again. Think. God gave you a brain. Please, think.