Essay

Jan. 13th, 2005 09:32 am
spiderpig: (you're going DOWN)
[personal profile] spiderpig
EDIT: Silla! I am requesting your kind assistance! :D Specifically!
<3

Here's the essay I'm planning to send in.

Note before you read this: Please do not copy any part of this without my permission. You can use it for reference, such as the examples given, but please do not copy word-for-word.



Name: Tan Min Qi, Alicia
Sex: Female
Date of Birth: 30/11/1988
School: CHIJ St Nicholas Girls’ School
Date of Submission: 10th Jan 2005
Title: “Education in Singapore stifles students’ creativity and inhibits their critical thinking” Do you agree?
Number of Words: 999
Address: *OMIT*
Contact Number: *OMIT*
Email address: *OMIT*



Education.

There is always the horror story about Singaporean graduates who succeed in a string of top schools, attained a degree summa cum laude, yet when they achieve that dream nine to five job, they cannot handle real-life and real-time problems. They stumble and falter.

Then the question arises: what has our world class education done to enable us to think critically in these situations?

In this day and age, education is stressed so heavily because it is the only thing that can almost guarantee us a "car, credit cash, cash, condominium and a country-club membership" or rather the 5Cs, a phrase aptly coined by us. Caught in the eternal hamster wheel, this controversial education system of ours, though having unparallel high standards, does produce inflexible and stiff young minds. Hence, from my first-hand account as a student, I have to agree wholeheartedly with the statement.


There is no question about it, the rigid examination system that every child has to go through at the tender age of twelve. While children elsewhere in the world are deciding which Xbox game they should play next, Singaporean students pore over the endless piles of “ten-year-series” or “five-year-series” in hopes of ‘spotting’ a few questions. Why would they not want to? It has been tried and tested by the countless of generations taking the Primary School Leaving Examinations (PSLE) and GCSE ‘O’ Levels that more often that not, questions repeat themselves. I’m sure many of us remember the infamous “Which pair of feet belongs to this type of bird?” query. No doubt this method drains our ingenuity out of our brains and prohibits us from thinking promptly as we can learn by rote.

Hence the great hullabaloo after 2004’s PSLE Science paper, where students were required to think out of the box. “But this was not in the syllabus!” screeched indignant parents, lamenting over the loss of precious marks, children crying at the end of the exam. The Ministry of Education’s (MOE) reply? It was a thinking question and that the fundamentals were covered in class, the students just had to exercise their creativity and critical thinking.

Another example would be an article featured in the Straits Times earlier last year when a mother was somewhat puzzled over the uncompromising answers in a science worksheet. The question had asked, “Which animal does not belong in this group?”, and the answers to choose from were, “Dog”, “Kangaroo” and “Frog”. The woman’s child had put down the answer as “frog”, with the reasoning that it was not a mammal. Pause for a while and ponder on his answer. Is it not plausible or logical? However, the teacher had marked it incorrect as her answer was the “dog” as dogs do not hop. In this blatant case of rigidity, it is no wonder that our student’s creativity is stifled.

All this just strengthens the fact that yes, our education system is largely based on results and memory work, which does not promote our students to delve into other possible means of doing things, other responses; and to develop their own individuality. Ultimately, it is “a waste of human brain cells”. After all the hard work we have put in to remember all the confoundedly difficult concepts and formulas (most of which we will not use unless we “become rocket scientists”) for just that one exam, we forget it all in a few months although probably having just scored nine or ten distinctions.

As for critical thinking, despite the MOE’s attempts at promoting it and trying to get students to “think-out-of-the-box” by introducing programmes like the Interdisciplinary Project Work (IPW) and Pupil Welfare Improvement Teams (WITs), results in the classroom have more often than not proved results far from the idealistic principle. Of course one cannot deny the seemingly large number of groups that do come up with wonderful and unique ideas.

“Brain-storming” and “critical thinking” sessions in class usually quickly turns into massive gossip conferences; the stabs at trying to lessen the amount of ‘spoon-feeding’ from the teachers results in some teachers trying their best to give information to the students in order to ease the students’ workload.

In the end, it all defeats the original purpose and students, drowning in the overload of schoolwork and co-curricular activities, cannot be bother to think critically or creatively for that matter.

It is because of this inflexible education system of ours, that students brimming with creative talents, for example in the fine arts, and excellent competence in certain areas, lose out as they are not able to expand their potential.

Nonetheless, one cannot ignore the fact that the MOE is trying to rectify all the loopholes in our world-class education. For example, various programmes such as the Art Elective and Music elective programs promote creativity in those aspects. Pupils who have aptitude in the languages and humanities can take up the Language Elective programs and Humanities scholarship offered by the Ministry. Students in the Gifted Education Programme (GEP) are introduced new and interesting ways of tackling problems through exercises accentuating critical thinking. Curriculum time is now being diverted to stress the importance of critical thinking by infusing more real-time problems into the syllabus.


The objective of the Singapore education endeavours to prepare our students to meet future challenges effectively (hence critical thinking) and to grow up to be useful and responsible citizens. Thus it saddens me to see that many of us, caught in the proverbial rat-race of memorising word-for-word, page-for-page of curriculum, almost never having the chance of employing their creative potential and ability to think quickly and efficiently.

Perhaps I am biased against our education system as I am a victim of it, never being able to conform it’s heavy usage of memory work and strict set of rules and answers. Therefore, with the recent onslaught of education reforms to give a ‘new lease of life’ to our students, it makes me wonder when one of these new policies will actually solve this looming problem.



I'd just like everyone's comments on whether you can understand and if there is a coherent arguement going on. I haven't been writing essays (much less argumentatives) since the beginning of November and I'm quite out of touch with the style. Ignore the fact that I usually don't pay attention to topic sentences, thesis statements and yet used to score 22/30 and above for my essays.

So basically, here are my questions:
1) Am I addressing the statement correctly?
2) Do you think my evidence is convincing?
3) Do you actually know what I'm talking about?
4) Am I coherent? Or is it just disorganized and jumping from here to there?

Date: 2005-01-13 05:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] phrotus.livejournal.com
Edited Essay Part I

Education.

There is always the horror story about Singaporean graduates who succeed in a string of top schools, attain a degree summa cum laude, and yet when they achieve that dream nine-to-five job, they cannot handle real-life and real-time problems. They stumble and falter.

Then the question arises: what has our world-class education done to enable us to think critically in these situations?

In this day and age, education is stressed so heavily because it is the only thing that can almost guarantee us a "car, credit cash, cash, condominium and a country-club membership," or rather the 5Cs, a phrase aptly coined by students. [deleted- hamster wheel clause. What exactly is caught in a hamster wheel-- the system or the students?] This controversial education system of ours, despite its unparalleled standards, does produce inflexible and stiff young minds. Hence, from my first-hand perspective as a student, I have to agree wholeheartedly with the statement.

[There is no question about it, the rigid examination system that every child has to go through at the tender age of twelve. -there is no question that every child has to go through the rigid examination system? Or there is no question that the examination system is rigid?] While children elsewhere in the world are deciding which Xbox game they should play next, Singaporean students pore over [deleted 'the'] endless piles of “ten-year-series” or “five-year-series” in hopes of ‘spotting’ a few questions. And why shouldn't they? It has been tried and proven by countless generations taking the Primary School Leaving Examinations (PSLE) and GCSE ‘O’ Levels that more often that not, questions repeat themselves. I’m sure many of us remember the infamous “Which pair of feet belongs to this type of bird?” query. No doubt this method drains [deleted 'our'] ingenuity from our brains and prohibits us from thinking [deleted 'promptly'], since we can learn by rote.

Hence the great hullabaloo after 2004’s PSLE Science paper, in which students were required to think out of the box. “But this was not in the syllabus!” screeched indignant parents, lamenting over the loss of precious marks while children cried at the end of the exam. The Ministry of Education’s (MOE) reply? [deleted 'It was a thinking question and that'] The fundamentals necessary to answer the question were covered in class-- the students just had to exercise their creativity and critical thinking.

Another example would be an article featured in the Straits Times earlier last year recounting an incident when a mother was somewhat puzzled over the uncompromising answers in a science worksheet. The question had asked, “Which animal does not belong in this group?”, and the answers to choose from were, “Dog”, “Kangaroo” and “Frog”. The woman’s child had put down the answer as “frog”, with the reasoning that it was not a mammal. [deleted- 'Pause for a while and ponder on his answer.'-- that seems a little... I dunno, pedantic.] Certainly, it seems both plausible and logical. However, the teacher had marked it incorrect, as her answer was the “dog.” The reason? Dogs do not hop. In this undeniably rigid atmosphere, it is no wonder that our students' creativity is stifled.

Edited Essay part 2

Date: 2005-01-13 05:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] phrotus.livejournal.com

All this just strengthens the evidence for the fact that, yes, our education system is largely based on results and memory work, neither of which [deleted- 'does not'] promotes our students to delve into other possible ways of doing things, other responses, or the development of their own individuality. Ultimately, it is “a waste of human brain cells”. After all the hard work we [deleted- 'have'] put in to remember [deleted- 'all'] the confoundedly difficult concepts and formulas (most of which we will not use unless we “become rocket scientists”) for a single exam, we forget them just a few months after managing to score our nine or ten distinctions.

[deleted 'As for critical thinking,'] Despite the MOE’s attempts to promote critical thinking and [deleted-- 'trying to'] get students to “think outside the box” by introducing programmes like the Interdisciplinary Project Work (IPW) and Pupil Welfare Improvement Teams (WITs), results in the classroom have more often than not [deleted-- 'proved results'] proven to be far from ideal. Of course, one cannot ignore the seemingly large number of groups that do come up with wonderful and unique ideas.

“Brain-storming” and “critical thinking” sessions in class usually turn quickly into massive gossip conferences; the stabs at trying to lessen the amount of ‘spoon-feeding’ from the teachers results in some teachers trying their best to give information to the students in order to ease the students’ workload.
(that paragraph was only one sentence. Combine with the preceding and following paragraphs, since all describe things MOE has attempted?)
In the end, it all defeats the original purpose and students who are drowning in the overload of schoolwork and co-curricular activities cannot be bothered to think critically or creatively [deleted 'for that matter'].

It is because of this inflexible education system that students brimming with creative talents in the fine arts or other such areas and excellent competence in certain fields lose out because they are not able to expand on their potential.

Nonetheless, one cannot ignore the fact that the MOE is trying to close the loopholes in our (otherwise?) world-class education. For example, various programmes such as the Art Elective and Music Elective programmes promote creativity in those areas. Pupils who have aptitude in [deleted 'the'] languages and humanities can take up the Language Elective programmes and Humanities scholarship offered by the Ministry. Students in the Gifted Education Programme (GEP) are introduced to new and interesting ways of tackling problems through exercises accentuating critical thinking. Curriculum time is now being diverted to stress the importance of critical thinking by infusing more real-time problems into the syllabus. (what's a real-time problem?)

The objective of the Singapore education is to prepare our students to meet future challenges effectively (hence critical thinking) and to grow up to be useful and responsible citizens. Thus it saddens me to see that many of us, caught in the proverbial rat-race of memorising the curriculum word-for-word, page-for-page, almost never have the chance to employ their creative potential and ability to think quickly and efficiently.

Perhaps I am biased against our education system because I am a victim of it, struggling to conform to its heavy usage of memory work and strict set of rules and answers. Therefore, [deleted 'with'] the recent onslaught of education reforms aiming to give a ‘new lease on life’ to our students makes me wonder when one of these new policies will actually solve this looming problem. (about this last sentence-- do you mean that you wonder whether any of them actually will solve the problem-- or that you are really looking forward to the problem being solved and want it to be soon?)

Comments!

Date: 2005-01-13 05:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] phrotus.livejournal.com
I think your evidence, authority, and addressing of the issue are all top-notch. However, I would recommend tightening up the organisation a bit-- make sure that similar ideas are grouped together and that paragraphs don't end up orphaned in some unrelated section. An essay like this needs a clear setup-- the sections probably work out to something like What The Problem Is (intro-- the inhibited critical thinking and creativity of students), Why This Is a Problem (explanation of how these problems have their origin in the curriculum, evidence), What We're Doing About The Problem (the attempted solutions, with evidence and evaluation), and Conclusion (your own thoughts, of course. and possibly a brief restatement of your thesis [that the curriculum *does* inhibit critical thinking] with quick summaries of your arguments [overemphasis on rote memorisation, overly rigid standards as to what is a right or wrong answer, etc].

That sounds like a lot when I put it that way :/ Anyway, what I think you should do is reduce your paragraphs to bullet points (without deleting the full sentences or anything) and make them into a coherent outline with sections and headings and stuff. Then, when you turn the bullet points back into full sentences, everything will be in its place! :o

Re: Comments!

Date: 2005-01-13 05:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] spiderpig.livejournal.com
THANK YOU SILLA! <3 I love you. A lot! Shall take your advice and fine-tune it tonight.

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