there is only one real wish i have at the moment.

[spiderpig]

And that is to be (t)here, this time next year.

I've been wanting to be there since ages ago and I just need to be there soon (I can wait a year!) or I think I'll just collapse internally. It seems all very trivial but a whole lot of my sanity relies on that one place, that plot of land where I could be will be spending my third year in. It's desperation, there isn't any other word for it. I desperately need to be there.

After that initial disappointment a week back, I just really hope (and I'm praying, hard) that I can get at the very least, this wish granted.

I do want this, but more importantly, I need this. The course of my life - the next 20 years or so - will depend on whether I'm able to get there. I sound delirious right now, I sound right at the other extreme of "normal" but argh.

Please God.


And I really have only myself to blame. Why did I choose to lose focus? I'll never know, but it just sucks to know that it happened. And I have to work fucking hard (too hard) to just regain former "glory" of sorts. Sucks.