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spiderpigIn more ways than one, life - my life - will truly begin on the 13th of August.
My brain, my emotional and psychological self is forced into a stuttering quickstart. My News & the Public lecturer has dropped a chunk of prep work on our small group - reading through handouts and readings - and I'm trying to get my brain to just concentrate on the task that's ahead. I haven't written a critical essay in ages. Too long ago for me to feel comfortable about it, an unwanted rest.
I fear, that's the proper word to use, I fear for myself. I cannot rely on past successes. Everything's a brand new tabula rasa-kind of situation, none of the professors or tutors care if I was intelligent, good at something, well known for something else. If anything, it would pose as added stress points, additional reasons to do well. Instead of solely proving to myself that I need to do well, I'd end up trying to prove to other people in order to live up to whatever reputation I had in the past. I don't need any of this extra 'value-added' motivations for studying. Thanks but no thanks.
In a way, I want to stop being this excited, anticipating optimistic paintings of campus life. I want my illusion to be spoiled, to have reality shoved in my face and have it laughing at my foolish naivety. Everyone is mostly hating or just, not enjoying their university life (haha, varsity life) much. I want to know if I'm going to be like them, unable to handle - just struggling, or sailing through everything.
The sadistic signboard of "Hello, welcome to the rock show where head banging is inseparable from bottles that hit you in the head". On the other hand, I don't really want the professors to be the ones killing my nice little solitary world. I'd want to kill it myself, rather than have them go "Oh Alicia, you're really quite a retard in this you know? You should drop out of university before I fail you."Srsly though, Conrad for my first book is so not easing me into University Literature.
HUR.
I'm kissing university life like an overdramatic actor.
So I tried to force my way into having 6 modules instead of 5 (but we all know that in NUS Arts, that's highly improbably for first semester freshies, or in any event - any undergrad, because of the sheer amount of work required by each module... wtf, we're back in JC again kids) by inserting my waived Japanese 2 module into CORS. I was obviously promptly rejected because I was going over my allowed workload. DARN. Thus, it's back to Bunka for me. They finally replied my e-mail inquiry about placement tests (I haven't attended a lesson in over a year, hence I'm not an existing student in their eyes) and hurrah, the horrible score I got for JLPT 3 allows me to zip past the placement test for the Pre-Advanced course.
I need to find a proper time for Japanese lessons, and proceed to revise my non-existent grammar or get my ass kicked by the Pre-Advanced teachers. Cries. And like, travel down to town one day to sign up. GRAH.
Anyway, met my academic advisor yesterday! Mr Alex Mitchell. Heheheh. ;D I think my fellow advisees will get along just fine? Well, this is just the initial stage where everyone's happy-go-lucky.
Monday is the day when I start lugging my huge Acer to school. QUICK 2008 PLEASE ARRIVE, so I can get my powerhouse of a Macbook Pro! I'm only getting it if my lovely young brother goes to Poly and uses his education discount. I'm slightly turned off by the number of people who want to get a Mac because of how pretty it is. Dude. Like wtf. =A=;; I'm a technosnob so sue me. But getting a Mac because it's pretty and blowing an extra $1000 because it's pretty and not because it's functional or serves your purpose for whatever (VANITY PURPOSES ASIDE!) just ticks me off. It's stupid. It's a waste of hard earned money.
Summer and it's muggy heat is the time for sea-salt ice, or like how I can't get some, have cream-soda ice instead. Tangy blue surrounding a warm creamy vanilla white. :D I like Meiji ice-cream.
I've been too shagged to do much about anything since after Singfest. 10 hours of standing in a mosh pit and jumping, and waving my camera around, and chasing after band members has left me worn out.
It's off to la-la land for me. Where elephants vanish and what not.
My brain, my emotional and psychological self is forced into a stuttering quickstart. My News & the Public lecturer has dropped a chunk of prep work on our small group - reading through handouts and readings - and I'm trying to get my brain to just concentrate on the task that's ahead. I haven't written a critical essay in ages. Too long ago for me to feel comfortable about it, an unwanted rest.
I fear, that's the proper word to use, I fear for myself. I cannot rely on past successes. Everything's a brand new tabula rasa-kind of situation, none of the professors or tutors care if I was intelligent, good at something, well known for something else. If anything, it would pose as added stress points, additional reasons to do well. Instead of solely proving to myself that I need to do well, I'd end up trying to prove to other people in order to live up to whatever reputation I had in the past. I don't need any of this extra 'value-added' motivations for studying. Thanks but no thanks.
In a way, I want to stop being this excited, anticipating optimistic paintings of campus life. I want my illusion to be spoiled, to have reality shoved in my face and have it laughing at my foolish naivety. Everyone is mostly hating or just, not enjoying their university life (haha, varsity life) much. I want to know if I'm going to be like them, unable to handle - just struggling, or sailing through everything.
The sadistic signboard of "Hello, welcome to the rock show where head banging is inseparable from bottles that hit you in the head". On the other hand, I don't really want the professors to be the ones killing my nice little solitary world. I'd want to kill it myself, rather than have them go "Oh Alicia, you're really quite a retard in this you know? You should drop out of university before I fail you."
HUR.
I'm kissing university life like an overdramatic actor.
So I tried to force my way into having 6 modules instead of 5 (but we all know that in NUS Arts, that's highly improbably for first semester freshies, or in any event - any undergrad, because of the sheer amount of work required by each module... wtf, we're back in JC again kids) by inserting my waived Japanese 2 module into CORS. I was obviously promptly rejected because I was going over my allowed workload. DARN. Thus, it's back to Bunka for me. They finally replied my e-mail inquiry about placement tests (I haven't attended a lesson in over a year, hence I'm not an existing student in their eyes) and hurrah, the horrible score I got for JLPT 3 allows me to zip past the placement test for the Pre-Advanced course.
I need to find a proper time for Japanese lessons, and proceed to revise my non-existent grammar or get my ass kicked by the Pre-Advanced teachers. Cries. And like, travel down to town one day to sign up. GRAH.
Anyway, met my academic advisor yesterday! Mr Alex Mitchell. Heheheh. ;D I think my fellow advisees will get along just fine? Well, this is just the initial stage where everyone's happy-go-lucky.
Monday is the day when I start lugging my huge Acer to school. QUICK 2008 PLEASE ARRIVE, so I can get my powerhouse of a Macbook Pro! I'm only getting it if my lovely young brother goes to Poly and uses his education discount. I'm slightly turned off by the number of people who want to get a Mac because of how pretty it is. Dude. Like wtf. =A=;; I'm a technosnob so sue me. But getting a Mac because it's pretty and blowing an extra $1000 because it's pretty and not because it's functional or serves your purpose for whatever (VANITY PURPOSES ASIDE!) just ticks me off. It's stupid. It's a waste of hard earned money.
Summer and it's muggy heat is the time for sea-salt ice, or like how I can't get some, have cream-soda ice instead. Tangy blue surrounding a warm creamy vanilla white. :D I like Meiji ice-cream.
I've been too shagged to do much about anything since after Singfest. 10 hours of standing in a mosh pit and jumping, and waving my camera around, and chasing after band members has left me worn out.
It's off to la-la land for me. Where elephants vanish and what not.
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no subject
Date: 2007-08-11 05:37 pm (UTC)it's just that........you have to take it easy y'know? if not you'll just end up feeling like crap because it's impossible to do everything. i mean, do your best - but do your best in life not schooling. be a human being. learn and live and enjoy the wonderfulness of youth and really truly experience what it is like to be seishun
in any case, good luck in uni and have fun!
no subject
Date: 2007-08-13 02:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-13 03:00 pm (UTC)-rachel
no subject
Date: 2007-08-13 03:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-13 03:02 pm (UTC)