applause.

Private, consensual sexual acts between adult males does not impact on the safety and security of society. Furthermore, it is accepted that the criminal law addresses activities that harm others, but the Government seems to accept that 377A does not cause harm. So how can 377A possibly be linked to a legitimate purpose of the Penal Code? The answer is that it does not, and it cannot.

- NMP Siew Kum Hong

Effectively summed up.

blathering is salve for the soul.

This entry I found moves me beyond words.

This is probably my life summarized - and probably embellished because my life would never sound as beautiful as that described. It is a mere wish that my life would look, feel like that in words to have what I feel and what I've felt conveyed through combined alphabets alone. I'm glad, relieved, thankful that I didn't sell out. I've stuck to my guns throughout, I've never wavered, I've never been convinced (tempted yes) by good job prospects, a nice paycheque - all these undoubtedly useful things but ultimately undermining my own personality. I'm no money hungry person. I'm someone who wants to do something because I want to. I wanted to be a criminal lawyer - I couldn't because I'd have to be some corporate horse first - so I trashed that dream.

Ideally, really ideally, I want to be like Larry from The Razor's Edge. It is the pursuit of knowledge for knowledge itself. You don't have to use your accumulated knowledge, just knowing would be more than enough (of course, using knowledge gained would be an added plus). Just knowing. Just revelling in the thousands of books that you've read with your own eyes, turned pages with your own hands. Breathe in that musty smell or crisp printed pages with your very own nose. That sort of possession is what I want. What I would die to achieve.

It's a simple process but all too decision-imbued process. If I have to sell my soul to get what I want or worse, to not get what I want - why for? Now I'm here, enjoying myself (well, amidst the work) and smiling benignly at the people who I know and knew sold out. It could be a possibility that they betrayed themselves - yet it could also be that they were always forever in denial.

I won't go so far to say that I'm "untainted", bu at the very least I'm away from it all. I have so far, never gone back on my principles or opinions. Thank God that I have a bloody backbone. Saying all of that, I'm very much happier now, and that means everything to me as a person. How many can admit that what they're majoring in, what they've supposedly chosen for themselves and by themselves have given them happiness? Given them that sort of assurance that nothing else can give?

Yes I am suffering, but I am sad, stressed, upset, tired doing something that I love. Something that I chose for myself and by myself only. Not because there was no other choice. Not because of a whim. Not because of money. Not because of prestige. Not because of superficial impressions. SO FUCK YOU. FUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOU. You didn't and don't deserve, you deserve every single thing.

God, I had to get that out some time or another. I've been holding it in for too long, tiptoeing along the lines of politeness and socially accepted courtesy too long.

I'm making notes for my research paper. TRANSSEXUALISM, GENDER, AND ANXIETY IN TRADITIONAL INDIA looms ominously above me - can I crank out 16 pages of thoughtful prose on this - as Okinawan music skips and jumps in the background. Skipping and jumping because the stringed instrument, plucking in Japanese-y-Polynesian-ish beats, remind me of frogs jumping from stones in still water.

And as I slurp angel-hair into my mouth, scrolling down the PDF files, watching anime at the same time - oh multi-tasking drone that I have become - I am basically, just a canvas. I am a canvas that can be painted on, or if already painted on - still possessing wet paint, can only leave a mere imprint on another canvas be it written or visual.

I like libraries, unfortunately, most of them are too crowded for me to actually find a place to do any decent work in. Speaking of libraries, I need to go and borrow a whole lotta books tomorrow for not only the Research Project but for my Lit essay. I have a feeling that I'll have to quote sources in order to get a hold of that elusive A (actually, not so elusive anymore).
dear omiscient God above me, please let me get SOMETHING for the writing contests that I've been taking part it. You've given me a gift, let the world know about it.
The trip to the library just now was rather fruitful. I grabbed hold of a few books for each of my papers, and now its just to digest them like a good gourmet meal at some high class restaurant called the Book Cafe. I'm just joking.

Time to hit the books. I feel much lighter. Like a cloud. Or a will o' the wisp. Haha. If I can make it through this year in one piece, I can do anything I supose. It's this foolish optimism that will keep me alive.