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[personal profile] spiderpig
Because I've neglected this journal for far too long, and I would like to practice writing -- that is, writing anything at all, because I've been abnormally tightlipped lately -- so Yen and I are going to do these 30 day memes!

I'm probably going to modify some of the questions because clearly this isn't a tumblr and I don't have time to tumblr around with tumblr questions.

30 Day Meme
day 1 – your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.
day 2 – where you’d like to be in 10 years.
day 3 – your views on drugs and alcohol.
day 4 – your views on religion.
day 5 – a time you thought about ending your own life.
day 6 – write 30 interesting facts about yourself.
day 7 – your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.
day 8 – a moment you felt the most satisfied with your life.
day 9 – how you hope your future will be like.
day 10 – discuss your first love and first kiss.
day 11 – put your ipod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up.
day 12 – bullet your whole day.
day 13 – somewhere you’d like to move or visit.
day 14 – your earliest memory.
day 15 – your favorite tumblrs.
day 16 – your views on mainstream music.
day 17 – your highs and lows of this past year.
day 18 – your beliefs.
day 19 – disrespecting your parents.
day 20 – how important you think education is.
day 21 – one of your favorite shows.
day 22 – how have you changed in the past 2 years?
day 23 – give pictures of 5 guys who are famous who you find attractive.
day 24 – your favorite movie and what it’s about.
day 25 – someone who fascinates you and why.
day 26 – what kind of person attracts you.
day 27 – a problem that you have had.
day 28 – something that you miss.
day 29 – goals for the next 30 days.
day 30 – your highs and lows of this month

Here is the first question.

day 1 – your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.


If you log on to Facebook and take a look at my profile, you might notice that where it says "Relationship Status", the answer will say "Single".

That is a lie.

In fact, I'm in a relationship with myself.

It's a torturous, painful relationship at times because sometimes I get so full of myself I just want to slap me a bit; other times it's a healthy conversation with myself. We all need someone who will listen and I listen to myself the best. I don't get bored with the trivialities of my life and give noncommittal nods and grunts just to keep the conversation going.

Being by myself of course, might seem lonely. I say "might" because I've never been with anyone, so the loneliness I feel is something rather illusory. I don't know what its really like to be separated from someone else, so I find it easy to scoff at clingy couples who can't seem to get enough of each other and spend every waking (and sometimes REM moments) minute entangled in each other.

Whatever "emptiness" or "loneliness" I feel is something I imagine, with the aid of sappy love songs which I'm supposed to understand, or the romantic comedies I'm supposed to cry with, because you know, it's normative for people to be in a relationship with someone else. I'm supposed to have this constant ache for someone who will fit me, the curve to my spoon, the cheese in my moon -- whatever.

So how is single life? Single life is life as I know it. Single life is how I am living right now. How is it? It's fine. I wake up every day wishing I didn't need to wake up, I tussle with people on the buses and trains, win small victories when I get a seat or when I give up my seat to ladies who aren't actually pregnant but look heavily so. I go to school, I sit next to people I don't talk to, I wait for dinner that usually comes. I am very much alone but that's how it's always been so I don't find it particularly surprising that my biological ticking time bomb hasn't exploded from this sexual frustration society has imposed on me. Sleep with someone! Have babies! Sleep with that someone more and have more babies! For now I will take up both sides of the bed.


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A Tan

September 2011

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